Today is Memorial Day, a day we honor those who have fought in wars and continue to fight today. Even though I believe that most of these wars have been created over fear, greed and the belief that one group had THE answer, whether it was about race, religion or governmental style, I honor those who have served and are serving now, because I believe they truly are working for peace. I believe they are guided by positive intent. It is my deepest prayer that soon, we as a world, will move beyond this belief in separation, greed, power over others, scarcity and lack and truly live in peace in all ways.
At the same time, I am aware of the immense light, love and energy that is flooding onto our planet now, and rising up in our hearts. This is pushing all the darkness to the surface, around us and within us. So as wars rage in numerous countries, they are raging in our own beings, as we have to face this darkness within.
Through a recent interaction with a friend, I was reminded of the drama triangle of victim, persecutor, and rescuer. It stopped me in my tracks as I finally understood how I got drawn into playing it, first feeling like the victim myself as I was drawn down into the hole of victim hood my friend was playing out, then moving into attempting to be the rescuer, so I could possibly save myself and her, then being perceived as the persecutor as I lastly attempted to stop the victim behavior. Of course none of the positions worked for me, and I see how they really weren’t working for her either.
Afterwards, it lead me to look at my own life, how I have played this game in the past, and possibly still get engaged with it. I see how damaging it is to everyone involved. I had to face that dark part of my past where I was quite the drama queen and played out the victim in so many areas of my life. I felt great sadness at how this had permeated many areas of my life and my health, and how I had drawn others into this game, then blamed them for their behavior. At the same time, it allowed me to meet my past self with compassion and forgiveness, to meet the memory of those past people with the same, and to “ask” them for forgiveness as well, releasing all of us from those hurtful and dis-empowering roles.
I saw how this woman was playing out all three roles within herself and saw the same in the past me. So much self-criticism, as we berate ourselves for our actions, thoughts, feelings, which only digs a deeper and deeper hole. The energy involved reminds me of that character “Pigpen” from the comic strip “Peanuts”, as he had a swirl of dust around him every where he went. What a toxic environment!
I see though, how it is this same triangle that plays out in our wars, as a country claims either the superior persecutor role, or the rescuer who is going to save some “poor” country from itself, or the victim that is helpless to change what is going on and needs rescuing.
I have worked for many years to free myself from this career of playing the victim. I don’t judge myself for it because I see that it is what most of us are raised with and it is shouted to us daily with the media’s pronouncements of us needing a certain car, perfume, clothes, hairstyles, politics, religion, government, belief, on and on, in order to be acceptable, successful or lovable. My way out of it and into empowerment has been to accept 100% responsibility for what is in my life, meet myself with love and compassion, forgive others and myself and recognize my oneness with Spirit and all that is. I’m sure I will still receive lessons in this dance of drama but I feel myself becoming more and more free.
It is my prayer that as humans, we all free ourselves from this dance, so that we create a world of responsibility…the ability to respond…with peace, love, compassion and honor for all. I pray for a world without war, a world that dances the dance of joy and fulfillment, as we learn to care for the earth and all the creatures upon it.
Katelon T. Jeffereys
Seattle Life Coach