| I am spending another Christmas alone! This is my 5th Christmas alone since my son decided to leave my life. I thought it would get easier, but it hasn’t. I don’t miss the frantic shopping and crazy need to find the perfect presents, even if it means going in debt to get them. But I do miss family and sharing the holidays with family. Things weren’t always easy around my Mom, and holidays could have some tense moments, but I only spent two Christmas’s apart from my Mom in the 48 years I had with her. She always brought my son and I home for Christmas or came to where we were and she always made Christmas special. But since she is gone now, and my son has left, it is just me.
Over the past 5 years I have done what I could to attempt to celebrate the holiday, feeding the homeless one Christmas, watching a movie with a couple friends, walking in the snow, meditating, and I value those different experiences. I appreciate how this loss and aloneness has led me to go deeper into solstice and Christmas and find that spark of light within myself and my life, however it is at the moment. And I realize there are others all over the world who are alone this day…and certainly plenty of people surrounded by family and cursing it!
There is a delicate balance in learning to accept what “is”, find the gift in it all, allow change, and yet also allow and acknowledge the loss, the empty places, and to do it with grace. Without my sense of God, Christ and other beings of light supporting me through these times, I’m not sure how I would survive…but this light and love that I feel inside and surrounding me keeps me going, keeps me imagining a new life, a new way. It keeps me holding and nurturing this immaculate concept, this seed of hope that I maintain in myself for the world and for me.
So my wish for Christmas 2011, is to feel joy, feel peace, no matter what else I am feeling today, to be able to swim the turbulence of grief and loss, and still express the love and sweetness that I am, and feel comforted. My wish is for a magical opening that returns family to me, but a family of honesty, honor, respect, continuity, commitment, forgiveness and deep love. These are values I base my life on, and have worked to expand in all areas of my life. No matter what has happened or what happens in the future, I know that love is the only truth and this is what I extend to my son, to the world, to myself.
I wish for a world where everyone is respected, differences are embraced and celebrated, as we learn and grow and expand by creating a bigger opening to allow in others and their different ways. I wish for a world where everyone has a warm, comfortable home; clean and hot water; plenty of food to eat; meaningful work; a loving family, community, country and world where they feel welcomed, appreciated, safe and supported; a strong sense of their own divinity, self-worth and power to create the life and world of their dreams; a deep connection with Spirit in whatever form is comfortable for them; confidence to live their truth; peace within them and all around them; and much joy, magic and fun to lift them up.
And so, I extend these wishes to all of you, and to myself! May we all find joy within no matter our circumstances and be able to extend that joy out to others. May we all find that peace within and send it out to each other, extending the olive branch to create peace everywhere.
Love to you,
Katelon T. Jeffereys
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