Letting Go, Releasing…isn’t always easy!

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Angel wings, green river

This is a picture taken of the Green River, in Flaming Geyser park, near Black Diamond, WA. I love the angel wings made by the rocks. It is a good image to remember when you are in the process of letting go of a relationship, habit, belief, situation that you need to let go of and are struggling to let go.

Whether it is because I am a Leo astrologically, and loyal because of that; or part of my occasionally dysfunctional people pleasing ways; or just because I’m human, and we humans seem to cling to the past and to people and things we need to let go of, instead of trusting and moving forward to something better, I often will hold on to old relationships when they are toxic, and have long passed their expiration dates. It is especially hard for me when it is someone I am very close to, had some wonderful times with and still love. But as I progress further on my spiritual path, I’m learning that the more I honor myself, the more I learn to love and respect myself, there is no room in my world anymore for people that don’t treat me well, or don’t want me in their lives.

Often I had friends who consistently treated me badly, and I’d make excuses for them, attempt to stick up for myself…sometimes poorly and unskillfully, sometimes with grace, and still keep them in my life, accepting their excuses and the few good things they threw my way at times. I see now how this set me up to attract other similar relationships.

I’ve also seen how my tendency to assume full responsibility for everything in my life, led me to accept responsibility for what wasn’t even mine. As a child, I often got punished for things I was accused of in the neighborhood, things I hadn’t done and my Father would believe others over me. So I grew up believing that no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough, nor was there any way to protect myself, as my parents surely weren’t standing up for me. This led to quite low self esteem. So others could treat me badly and I’d just go back for more, blaming myself for their behavior.

I’ve worked for years to heal this and regain my self esteem. This almost 10 month journey of mine has been providing the finishing touches on this. Staying with so many different people over the months, setting up agreements before moving in and occasionally having the hosts drop those agreements then blame me, and ask me to leave, when I was already doing more than agreed upon, giving more than agreed upon, has been a great training ground to finally end this unhealthy habit of mine and finally and fully claim self love.

I have a particularly close relationship I have grieved over for years, spent a bunch of money on contacting various healers and counselors to help me heal, doing rituals and my own healing and clearing work, going back and forth between acceptance and letting go and then, feeling like if I only did this or that, it would be a good relationship again and I finally got it! And got it BIG, that relationships take two people, that I’ve done all I can do, and to continue to play my dysfunctional game only keeps me from peace and from fulfilling my spiritual purpose. It also keeps me unavailable for other possible loving relationships that will be mutually supportive and loving.

I am learning that you tell yourself or someone else to let go, but until a certain point is reached, it isn’t possible to fully release. I do believe that meditations, rituals, various techniques are helpful, and I have several on my website http://www.empowerandbalance.com  But I believe it is just a point that you finally reach with grace, that allows you to trust enough, love yourself enough, to just let go. And when that moment arrives, the feeling is so clean, clear and sweet as there is now room for true love and peace to flood in and fill you up.

Know that there is much support all around and within you for assisting you in this release process. And after you let go, you will have room to bring into your life and heart what you truly desire, relationships and situations that truly honor and uplift you.

Love, katelon

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