Throughout this almost year long journey I have been mostly staying in other people’s homes. Stepping into someone else’s home involves stepping into different house rules, perceptions, beliefs, needs, expectations and many of these are not overtly expressed. Some of the places I have stayed I have arranged through bartering my healing therapies, dog walking, cleaning, cooking, and organizing. among other skills. I’m not the best negotiator, as my nature is giving and generous, but my communication is clear, so I have done what I could to clearly and cleanly negotiate an arrangement that honored me as well as the other person. What I often found though, is that although I often give much more than is agreed upon, the other person would often change the agreement mid-stream, demanding more or even turning it around to make it appear that I hadn’t given enough?! This was always a shocking experience to me as I thought all had been clear in the beginning and as I stated, I always made sure I gave more than I had agreed upon.
I have always been a flexible, adaptable person, pretty easy going, and focused on being aware of others’ needs so as to keep things going smoothly. This journey though has led me into homes of hosts with almost OCD demands and house rules that even the most astute and dedicated house guest could not begin to adhere to or even decipher; homes of hosts living in their own words “just this side of disgusting” as far as cleanliness; homes of hosts that were controlling, raging alcoholics, noisy, quiet, outgoing, reclusive, vegetarians, meat eaters, and everything in between. Navigating all of these varied situations in addition to the different climates and cities to smaller towns has been quite challenging and stressful. And yet, I’m sure there has been a reason for this journey.
I know without a doubt that I have brought healing to so many people and areas because my recipients have acknowledged this, and I know that it has brought me healing and helped me stand in my power more and taught me to set better boundaries. Along with all this learning though, questions still remain.
I am presently staying with a warm, generous couple who love God, love Jesus, believe strongly in their beliefs and state that they don’t judge. And yet…..when I offer to do the healing work I have done since childhood, the work I was led to through my spiritual experiences with Jesus, my work is deemed unacceptable. When I have questioned why it was deemed acceptable that Jesus could do healing work and yet my work is deemed questionable, perhaps even coming from the dark, it is explained that ONLY Jesus could do healing work?! And yet, these people believe in prayer and manifestations they have received through this prayer, which is invoking God and Jesus. But healing work that is invoking Jesus and God’s energy that flows through all of us, is deemed darkness.
I feel so sad when I run into this belief system, as in my understanding, this very belief keeps people feeling separate from God, separate from that innate energy and light that Jesus spoke of so often and demonstrated. I try to not take it personally, and even have tried to point out to them how in-congruent it feels for them to state how much they like me and respect me and then deem my work misguided at the least and channeling darkness at the worst, but they just toss that off as untrue. I see that it is their closed minds and yes, hearts, that is keeping them from receiving all that I could be sharing with them, and I feel sad. As I know there are so many people in the world that live life this way, and it feels so small to me.
To be in the midst of these situations with others projecting their issues onto me, some people rejecting what I have to give or deeming it not enough, has certainly toughened me up in a way and helped me be more detached. It has also conversely helped me know my worth more. Some of the places I have stayed have been like sailing through the smoothest of waters and others have been like walking past walls of sand paper! I do trust though that each circumstance is leading me closer and closer to the deeper work that Jesus told me I was do when I was nine.
I thought I’d be doing it much sooner than this, and I’m sure I’ve been doing it somewhat throughout my life. However, there seems to have been a lot of preparation that was needed first and this journey has been that walk through the fire that was necessary.
I know that this part of the journey is almost over. I am grateful for all of it…and very much looking forward to landing in a soft spot of my own!
Love this post! Sometimes I am the one taking chances on reaching out and other times, I am the one standing shyly in the corner. My intention though is to more and more, be the one taking a chance!
I fell in love with this little comic. You have no ideas how many times I was that girl in the elevator wondering if I was the only one!
I had all this “stuff” inside me that I wanted to share, that I wanted someone to see but I just couldn’t get it across using conventional methods of conversation.
You know what I do now? I go all out.
From the first time I meet you, I’m going to say something “out of the box”.
I met a girl at a spoken word poetry event last week, the mere fact that we were both there already said a lot to me. It said we had a similar interest. So I went up to her and introduced myself. Then I said:
“Listen, I know we don’t know each other but you seem like an amazing person. And because you’re…
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Love this poem and it’s invitation to fall in love with everything around us. This practice of love and gratitude lifts our vibration and thus the vibration of the planet. It keeps us open to the beauty and grace that is all around us. It opens our perception to the abundance and prosperity that lies beyond our bank accounts and wallet. And it connects us in oneness which is our truth.
This morning as I walked along the lakeshore,
I fell in love with a wren
and later in the day with a mouse
the cat had dropped under the dining room table.
In the shadows of an autumn evening,
I fell for a seamstress
still at her machine in the tailor’s window,
and later for a bowl of broth,
steam rising like smoke from a naval battle.
This is the best kind of love, I thought,
without recompense, without gifts,
or unkind words, without suspicion,
or silence on the telephone.
The love of the chestnut,
the jazz cap and one hand on the wheel.
No lust, no slam of the door—
the love of the miniature orange tree,
the clean white shirt, the hot evening shower,
the highway that cuts across Florida.
No waiting, no huffiness, or rancor—
just a twinge every now and then
for the wren who…
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Loved this post and it helped bring forth the next blog post I am to write…coming soon 🙂
We are human.
This means that we are fragile. We are susceptible to pain. We hurt, we bleed, we break. Sometimes we have the scars to prove it, sometimes the wounds are invisible.
I will repeat this: We are human.
This means that we are imperfect at times. We make mistakes, we act out, we give in, we give up, we hurt, we kill, we destroy.
We are human.
This means that for every tear we’ve caused, we’re capable of getting a smile. Whatever we destroy, we’re able to build it back. We can give back, we can create life, we can start over…
So what is it? Why do we have to suffer? Is it because of our faults? How many of you believe that suffering is a punishment?
To my astonishment, I am here to share something with you I have learned not too long ago. You ready?
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Can you see your love for me shining through?
Cuz what you see in me, I can see in you.
And soon enough, you and me we’ll be out of time.
And kindness will be all we can leave behind.
– Nimo Patel –
The 21-Day Kindness Challenge launched on September 11th. 98 countries. 6000 people. And a collective tidal wave of good that inspired many — including young rapper-activist “Nimo” Patel at the Gandhi Ashram in India. Nimo wasted no time channeling that inspiration into an infectious music video. “Being Kind” was created on super short notice by an intercontinental crew of volunteers working out of their living rooms. It features footage from all over the world and heart-melting appearances by the children Nimo works with in the slums. Watch, listen, and prepare to smile big at this lyrical reminder that kindness really is “all we can…
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