Throughout this almost year long journey I have been mostly staying in other people’s homes. Stepping into someone else’s home involves stepping into different house rules, perceptions, beliefs, needs, expectations and many of these are not overtly expressed. Some of the places I have stayed I have arranged through bartering my healing therapies, dog walking, cleaning, cooking, and organizing. among other skills. I’m not the best negotiator, as my nature is giving and generous, but my communication is clear, so I have done what I could to clearly and cleanly negotiate an arrangement that honored me as well as the other person. What I often found though, is that although I often give much more than is agreed upon, the other person would often change the agreement mid-stream, demanding more or even turning it around to make it appear that I hadn’t given enough?! This was always a shocking experience to me as I thought all had been clear in the beginning and as I stated, I always made sure I gave more than I had agreed upon.
I have always been a flexible, adaptable person, pretty easy going, and focused on being aware of others’ needs so as to keep things going smoothly. This journey though has led me into homes of hosts with almost OCD demands and house rules that even the most astute and dedicated house guest could not begin to adhere to or even decipher; homes of hosts living in their own words “just this side of disgusting” as far as cleanliness; homes of hosts that were controlling, raging alcoholics, noisy, quiet, outgoing, reclusive, vegetarians, meat eaters, and everything in between. Navigating all of these varied situations in addition to the different climates and cities to smaller towns has been quite challenging and stressful. And yet, I’m sure there has been a reason for this journey.
I know without a doubt that I have brought healing to so many people and areas because my recipients have acknowledged this, and I know that it has brought me healing and helped me stand in my power more and taught me to set better boundaries. Along with all this learning though, questions still remain.
I am presently staying with a warm, generous couple who love God, love Jesus, believe strongly in their beliefs and state that they don’t judge. And yet…..when I offer to do the healing work I have done since childhood, the work I was led to through my spiritual experiences with Jesus, my work is deemed unacceptable. When I have questioned why it was deemed acceptable that Jesus could do healing work and yet my work is deemed questionable, perhaps even coming from the dark, it is explained that ONLY Jesus could do healing work?! And yet, these people believe in prayer and manifestations they have received through this prayer, which is invoking God and Jesus. But healing work that is invoking Jesus and God’s energy that flows through all of us, is deemed darkness.
I feel so sad when I run into this belief system, as in my understanding, this very belief keeps people feeling separate from God, separate from that innate energy and light that Jesus spoke of so often and demonstrated. I try to not take it personally, and even have tried to point out to them how in-congruent it feels for them to state how much they like me and respect me and then deem my work misguided at the least and channeling darkness at the worst, but they just toss that off as untrue. I see that it is their closed minds and yes, hearts, that is keeping them from receiving all that I could be sharing with them, and I feel sad. As I know there are so many people in the world that live life this way, and it feels so small to me.
To be in the midst of these situations with others projecting their issues onto me, some people rejecting what I have to give or deeming it not enough, has certainly toughened me up in a way and helped me be more detached. It has also conversely helped me know my worth more. Some of the places I have stayed have been like sailing through the smoothest of waters and others have been like walking past walls of sand paper! I do trust though that each circumstance is leading me closer and closer to the deeper work that Jesus told me I was do when I was nine.
I thought I’d be doing it much sooner than this, and I’m sure I’ve been doing it somewhat throughout my life. However, there seems to have been a lot of preparation that was needed first and this journey has been that walk through the fire that was necessary.
I know that this part of the journey is almost over. I am grateful for all of it…and very much looking forward to landing in a soft spot of my own!