| I am spending another Christmas alone! This is my 5th Christmas alone since my son decided to leave my life. I thought it would get easier, but it hasn’t. I don’t miss the frantic shopping and crazy need to find the perfect presents, even if it means going in debt to get them. But I do miss family and sharing the holidays with family. Things weren’t always easy around my Mom, and holidays could have some tense moments, but I only spent two Christmas’s apart from my Mom in the 48 years I had with her. She always brought my son and I home for Christmas or came to where we were and she always made Christmas special. But since she is gone now, and my son has left, it is just me.
Over the past 5 years I have done what I could to attempt to celebrate the holiday, feeding the homeless one Christmas, watching a movie with a couple friends, walking in the snow, meditating, and I value those different experiences. I appreciate how this loss and aloneness has led me to go deeper into solstice and Christmas and find that spark of light within myself and my life, however it is at the moment. And I realize there are others all over the world who are alone this day…and certainly plenty of people surrounded by family and cursing it!
There is a delicate balance in learning to accept what “is”, find the gift in it all, allow change, and yet also allow and acknowledge the loss, the empty places, and to do it with grace. Without my sense of God, Christ and other beings of light supporting me through these times, I’m not sure how I would survive…but this light and love that I feel inside and surrounding me keeps me going, keeps me imagining a new life, a new way. It keeps me holding and nurturing this immaculate concept, this seed of hope that I maintain in myself for the world and for me.
So my wish for Christmas 2011, is to feel joy, feel peace, no matter what else I am feeling today, to be able to swim the turbulence of grief and loss, and still express the love and sweetness that I am, and feel comforted. My wish is for a magical opening that returns family to me, but a family of honesty, honor, respect, continuity, commitment, forgiveness and deep love. These are values I base my life on, and have worked to expand in all areas of my life. No matter what has happened or what happens in the future, I know that love is the only truth and this is what I extend to my son, to the world, to myself.
I wish for a world where everyone is respected, differences are embraced and celebrated, as we learn and grow and expand by creating a bigger opening to allow in others and their different ways. I wish for a world where everyone has a warm, comfortable home; clean and hot water; plenty of food to eat; meaningful work; a loving family, community, country and world where they feel welcomed, appreciated, safe and supported; a strong sense of their own divinity, self-worth and power to create the life and world of their dreams; a deep connection with Spirit in whatever form is comfortable for them; confidence to live their truth; peace within them and all around them; and much joy, magic and fun to lift them up.
And so, I extend these wishes to all of you, and to myself! May we all find joy within no matter our circumstances and be able to extend that joy out to others. May we all find that peace within and send it out to each other, extending the olive branch to create peace everywhere.
Love to you,
Katelon T. Jeffereys
Seattle Life Coach Website:
Tomorrow is both the celebration of my dear friend Corrine’s birthday, and also the celebration of me giving birth to my son, Loran. What a gift to have them both having a birthday on the same day. I believe that each of us has a gift to bring to the world, and so it is important to acknowledge how amazing and courageous it is for a soul to make the decision to come to this planet to grow and share their light with the world, and to bring forth their special gifts.
I met Corrine in Telluride, CO, in 1984. We met while I was going through a very challenging relationship and living in a difficult situation in Rico, CO, just south of Telluride. Rico was a very small town at the time, and probably still is. Corrine was such a gift to me, so insightful, supportive, challenging. She was the light that shone during a very dark time, that made it safe for me to heal and step forward on my path. We stayed in touch throughout the years, but not often. She is now back in my life and we talk every two weeks, and it is such a gift. She is older and going through her own health challenges and yet her mind is still nimble. She can remember conversations we had back then; my circumstances, my learning, and has been a precious mirror to show me how much I have healed. She is also an avid cheerleader, applauding all my growth, and helping me see how much I have changed, as well as reminding me of my special gifts and talents. I feel like Spirit has brought us back into each other’s lives at an important time, so that we could support each other through our present transformation and challenges.
I met my son 38 years ago. I loved being pregnant and even wrote a paper for a college class about all the physical and emotional changes I was going through. It was during my Catholic phase, so as I would go for five mile walks each day, with my dogs, Oblio and Arlo, I’d talk to my son and say the rosary. So there we were, Mother Mary, Oblio, Arlo, my inutero son and I, together in the desert as we bonded. After 4 months of Braxten Hicks contractions, and 17 hours of hard labor, my son was born the day before Thanksgiving, and boy was I grateful to finally meet him. It was love at first sight, just as the love had grown over those nine months of conversations.
The relationship hasn’t turned out how I thought it would but for many years we were the best of friends. No one could make me laugh as much as him. I always loved being a Mom. I read to him most nights and also sang and played guitar for him, until he went to college. We had great fun playing games and football catch, singing songs, reading books, taking several week long road trips after I’d check him out of school, cross country skiing excursions, and hiking sometimes 7 days a week. We loved birthday celebrations so much that we’d often celebrate his birthday twice a year, making up a random date for the second birthday celebration. In a way we grew up together. I am so grateful for the learning that takes place in motherhood, as you experience being responsible for someone else. We were always aware of other lives we’d shared, so we knew the bond was an old one.
What a precious gift it is to get to journey through life with these people,… to cry, to laugh, to travel through both the dark and light. So, tonight, on the eve of their birthdays, I want to take the time to salute them, thank them, and wish for them a more peaceful path to walk, open doors to joyful opportunities, love to expand their hearts even more and light to show them the way.Katelon T. Jeffereys