Tag Archives: loss

Loss, making room for Truth!

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Loss, making room for Truth!

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I’ve had a large amount of loss in my life.  Starting at age 6, I had a close family member die, my paternal step-grandmother, and another one died every 6 years. First my paternal grandfather, then my only sibling, my brother, until my maternal Grandmother died when I was 24.  My Dad left my Mom in 1978 and didn’t have much to do with my son or me anymore, then he died in 1997.  My Mom died in 1999, and my son started leaving my life in 2000, left a couple more times and has been gone since Valentine’s day, 2007.  My birth family is gone now and none of my extended family has chosen to stay in touch with me. 

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I grew up very ill, in and out of ER’s and hospitals, had a couple near death experiences and was very close to death several times. So there were some things I lost out on participating in due to my poor health. In 1994, my best girlfriend died suddenly.  Many friends have either drifted away or decided my work and revelation of my life out of bounds was just too confronting to them.  I really tried to fit in during childhood and early adulthood but it only led to severe depression and rage, so I decided to just learn to let go of those who couldn’t accept and celebrate my true self. So loss has been a long time theme for me.

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Fall is my favorite season and it is also the time of year people have died in my life.  It’s like they are fitting into nature’s pattern of releasing.  I had a challenging time with all this loss in my life but I”m also learning to let go and trust that that which serves me – beliefs, people, things, places – will remain in my heart and memories and that which doesn’t serve me will be replaced by that which brings even more joy into my life and lights me up! 

John and I started our work together on this project Oct. 14, 2014.  After awhile, our work partnership fell away.  Later, we tried round two, and that ended as well.  I continued the work throughout, on my own.  Then, in the summer of 2018, and Sept., we started talking again about this project.  John had made a major shift in his belief system.  So one day, he said something like….if we are going to work together again, you will have to let go of all the New Age beliefs you have held onto.  He expected me to take days to decide or process that request but I quickly just replied “OK”.  And thus began take three of this work of ours to shut down the dark timeline, its power and all supporting it, and help usher in the new timeline, beginning with Full Disclosure. 

When Full Disclosure comes, much of what we’ve been told and taught in all our institutions, and most aspects of life will be revealed to have had dark agendas running them.  The dark governments of the world will be exposed for the corruption that permeates them and the corrupt justice systems and media that supports them.  Dark financing will be revealed, dark “healthcare”, religions, educational systems and institutions, “science”, agriculture, you name it, the dark has had its hand in it. Economic slavery, racism, inequality, competition… it all sets us up to have dysfunctional relationships with ourselves, Source, our families and most relationships, including the one with our body. Our body was designed differently in the beginning but was manipulated to work more poorly, heal poorly and ultimately age and die.  The timeline we are on cannot be maintained.  It is broken. Just as the storm that moved through on Friday left many trees ravaged and broken, this timeline is beginning to crack.  We read about it every day.

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And soon, this timeline will reach the end.

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And what will remain will be decaying and decomposing.

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But please take heart friends because after all this “loss”, what will appear to take its place is – pure…love…light…joy…abundance…Oneness…a return to the original design of our body, our world…systems based on truth and the greater good of all and the greater good of the planet. This will be a world that works for everyone, cares for everyone, cares for all life, cares for the planet. No more separation of mind/body, human/Source, human/planet, man/woman, black/white/brown/yellow/red. There will be a transition of course, things to clean up, re-work, re-learn, adapt to, release…but the loss won’t bring despair but a rejoicing.

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I’m so ready for that new timeline.  Thanks for your light and all you bring to this journey. Thanks for joining me, liking, commenting, and sharing.  I’ll be here to assist you in any way I can through this powerful shift!  Hope to see you soon on the other side 🙂

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Love, katelon

The movie “The Way”, pilgrimages and journeys!

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I recently watched the movie “The Way” and loved it. I had read an article quite awhile ago interviewing Emilio Estevez, the writer, director and co-star in the movie, about the process and working with his Dad, Martin Sheen, the star of the movie. So I was already intrigued. I had also read a book by Shirley Maclaine about her journey on the El Camino de Santiago, and was inspired and fascinated by this journey. The movie focuses on Tom, played by Martin Sheen, as the stoic and traditional father, who finds out his lost son has been found dead, dying just as he had started this pilgrimage. Tom decides to journey the El Camino and spread his son’s ashes along the way. It is a rare emotional decision for him, and his impulsive decision brings him much more than he had envisioned when he started on the way. It is a movie of grief and loss, as well as discovery, friendship and transformation. It is beautiful in it’s unfolding as well as in the luscious scenery.

As I do with most movies, I looked at each character and inquired what I held in common with them and where we were different. Unlike the main character, I would not have been tight lipped like he was, as I am known for my open sharing, but I could relate to his anger, grief and unknowing as he wondered about his son’s whereabouts, felt the pain of their estrangement, and then his anger, grief and loss when his son was found dead. In truth, I am much more like his impetuous, leaping, restless son, Daniel; but you see, I, too, have lost a son, not to death, but to estrangement.Although, like Daniel, I am the one that has leaped into adventure throughout my life and recently on a now 11 month journey of faith.

I looked at the kind and talkative character, Joost, and saw my golden retriever self who assumes that everyone wants to talk to me, know me, be engaged. I looked at the angry, defensive, wounded character, Sara, and saw the me that I have been healing along this journey, as I attempt to make sense of the loss of past relationships and dreams. I looked at the character of Jack, the verbose writer, living out a life much smaller than he had dreamed of, and see how much I have limited myself for way too long.

In watching this movie I realized that I, too, have been on a pilgrimage, not spreading physical ashes of a cremated son, but certainly spreading metaphoric ashes of my past and the relationships in it, as I have revisited many of the towns and places where I have lived, traveled to, or hiked. It was that giving up hope and attachment to my past relationships that was the last step for me, letting go of those last ashes in the bottom of the bag, knowing that this is it, the end…and letting them go in the wind.

It is fitting that I am ending this journey in San Diego, CA. as this is where I spent so much time as a child and adult, vacationing with my family, and then later with my Mom and/or my son. And this is where I spread my Mother’s ashes in Nov. 1999, on my way back to Seattle, where I was living with my son, moving there in Oct. 1998 after leaving Colorado. And here I am finishing this journey in San Diego now, before heading home to Colorado, going full circle. Now, like Tom in the movie, I need to stand next to the ocean, reach down in my bag, and gather the last vestiges of my past relationships and life; gather my long held dreams of the future; and finally and firmly throw these ashes to the wind and the water, letting go and saying goodbye to what was, honoring it and making room for what will take it’s place.

I am grateful for the sweet memories I have of my life up until now. I am grateful for the experience of being a single Mom and managing to stay loving and attentive no matter what challenges I faced. I am grateful for the friends and support I’ve had along this pilgrimage. And now it is time for me to leave this funeral pyre and begin my new adventure, alone, yes, but now with room to let others into my heart, my restored and healed heart. Now it is time for me to go home and settle into my new launching pad for future adventures.

So I encourage you to watch “The Way” and enjoy your journey, wherever it takes you. Remember life is to be lived, not something you got stuck in, so live it with faith and enjoy it along the way.

Love, Katelon