Tag Archives: memory

My Birthday Celebration on August 4th!

Standard

Walking on Mission and Pacific beach

For many years I kept a photo, very much like this one, on my computer, as my desktop photo. I believe in affirmations, intentions, etc. and have manifested many things by having a photo of it on a vision board, or somewhere in sight on a regular basis. I had often dreamed of being back in San Diego for my birthday but that vision always included my son, who had been my best friend, and other friends, surrounding me on my special day. Even though I have enjoyed other places I have stayed, San Diego always held the top place in my memories for all the happy and free times I had here as a child, and adult, visiting and staying in either Mission or Pacific beach, next to the ocean. I always dreamed of someday living here, next to the beach.

Well, here I am in San Diego, after being on the road for over 9 months, thinking I had finally landed in my home. But I ended up finding a place to stay, not in my dream place of next to the beach, but in a home in a neighborhood, next to a major freeway. I am very grateful for the place to stay and my lovely and warm host, and I am realizing, I am not home yet. I thought that if I just manifested a place next to the beach, away from the freeways and noise of the city, then I would be “home”. But now I am realizing that I wasn’t led to San Diego on this long journey of bringing healing to others and myself and looking for home, to stay in San Diego, but rather, I was led here to honor my memories of this place and to release it’s hold it has had on my heart and imagination for so many years. I’m not sure how long or short of a time I will be here, but it is clear that I haven’t landed at home yet.

Leading up to my birthday, I felt disappointed again, that my son has chosen to remain out of my life, no matter how many overtures I make to reach out, show my love, my compassion, my desire to share his life and the life of his family, and my attempts to gather local friends to share my BD with, were failing as well. So I had given up and planned a day alone. The day before though, I used access consciousness questions ” What else is possible?”, “How can it get any better than this?”, intentions and prayers, to open up my birthday celebration to unexpected surprises and joy, whether I ended up alone the entire day or not.

I woke up early on my birthday and finally headed out to the breakfast reservation I had made at a restaurant attached to the hotel that my Mom and my son and I often stayed in. It was this hotel that I returned to after my mother died in 1999 and I had returned to Arizona to be with her through the passing and then clear out and sell her home. I had spread her ashes in the sand in front of this restaurant and the hotel. The food and service were great and I was given a complimentary creme brulee for dessert.

After my breakfast I took off walking. I love to walk and often on my vacations to San Diego I will walk up to 8 miles in one day. I walked north on the boardwalk to explore and reminisce, stopped and ate a sno-cone and “joined” in with a world wide meditation taking place, then walked south on the boardwalk to the historic Belmont amusement park where I had spent so much time as a child. Along the way, I passed many familiar places, and ones that had been remodeled as well. Then I turned around and walked back up north on the beach, walking the very picture that I had put on my desktop long ago. Walking along I felt like I was walking in my manifested reality and I could feel the importance of the moment.

I was treated with 2 friends and my Aunt calling to wish me happy birthday while I was walking, essentially then sharing the walk with me. My present host ended up joining me in Old Town San Diego for dinner and then returning to the beach with me for further walking at sunset. I ended up walking 5 hours that day!

So the birthday celebration I had thought was going to be solitary ended up being a very full day of old memories, new memories, releasing my past, opening to my future, and sharing with wonderful people and places. My time on the beach ended by passing a young man and his daily sand castle project. It was his birthday, too, and he was taking a picture of his finished creation. I thought how fitting this end was to my journey that day, as tomorrow, that sand castle will be just another formless pile of sand, ready to be first created in mind and then formed by hands into another creation.

Our lives are like that, too. They start with our dreams, our fears, our thoughts, our feelings, and we mold and create our experiences based on these. We attempt to hold on to our creations, and that holds us back. As we learn to let go, let the sands of our creative energy dissolve into a formless mass again, we are able to start anew, to create a new dream.

We are the creators, joining with Spirit and all the other fellow creators to create our new world. What can you dream of? What can you design?

Advertisements

Staying Afloat During the Storms – Leading To A New Destination!

Standard

Cloud_heart

     If you have been reading my blog at all, you know that personal growth work and accountability is a focus of mine.  This focus has intensified during this electric summer.  You can feel the winds of change blowing more intensely as things are heating up around the planet, not just from global warming and all the intense astrological events, but I believe it is because of the deep transformational changes that are taking place all around us and within us. 

       So how does one stay in grace, patience, peace and afloat, during all these changes?  How do you stay focused on what you truly desire for yourself and the planet as you sometimes watch all your deepest, darkest, limitations, miss-perceptions and distorted memories come to the surface and sneer at you with a devilish grin?

      Even though I’ve been on this path, with awareness, since childhood and even more consciously since 1973, I am still learning, still growing, still being challenged, and yes, still lose it from time to time. So occasionally I find myself either snarling at some irritation with a customer service person, or snarling in my head at some miss-perceived slight, situation or past relationship.    I do remember that I’m human, that feelings are fleeting, thoughts and judgments are just passing through, but sometimes I seem to get lost in them for awhile, and take THAT journey down the rabbit hole, which can have so many other “attractions” that it is like Disneyland on steroids, and I’ve got a handful of tickets and there’s no line to wait in…I can just jump on board and take the next ride into despair, anger, resentment or whatever emotion is being served up.

      And other times, I manage to just forget the story, and move into the emotion.  Normally the feeling comes first, then my mind attaches meaning, and that leads to more “oh yeah and what about this and that”, and pretty soon I have an entire string of examples of when I  felt that way at other times.  So when I meet that with curiosity instead, drop the story, move into the feeling and notice where it is in my body, and start noticing what it tastes like, looks like, smells like, whatever attributes it has, then allow that to expand and expand until it fills my whole body…pretty soon it just flows right out.  Then I can see that none of those perceived events from the past were any more real that this present one, they were just a feeling with a story attached, maybe true but likely not.

     At a meet-up this weekend, the presenter talked of a very vivid traumatic memory she had and how she had remembered herself being a different age than she really was, and so she posited the question to us asking if any of our memories are real?  Perhaps, she suggested, some of the details might be wrong, or maybe the entire memory isn’t real either.  I watched a short video today about quantum physics, talking about how everything is just a hologram projected outwardly, a picture that our brain makes up from what it takes in from the outer world, filtered through our beliefs. Spiritual teachers have talked for thousands of years about how we are just dreaming this life.  Now scientists are coming to a conclusion that is almost the same.  My Russian existentialist professor discussed this in my Russian literature class in 1974.

      Since quantum scientists and energy psychology therapists are teaching us that WE can turn off the beliefs held in our DNA that are creating our limiting beliefs, thus creating limiting experiences and turn on programs for beliefs that support us, we can then evolve ourselves and create the life and world of our dreams.

      So next time you find yourself taking a wrong turn into despair, frustration or believing you are powerless, you can stop and ask yourself about the story you are telling yourself, drop into the feeling, be curious, ride the wave and not only allow it to just pass right on through, but you will be re-setting your internal GPS system to lead you more and more along paths that are more prosperous and supportive in all ways!

       If I can help you in any way, please contact me!  I’ve been doing this work professionally, as a teacher, therapist and coach, for over 30 years, and have a great bag of tools to help you clear any obstacles, create a gentler path and start traveling more of the life of your dreams.  I do work in person, by phone and long distance as well as teach workshops!

      Enjoy the ride, stay curious about the dark stuff, allow yourself to move into the feeling and drop the story, let the feeling move on through and then pull out your list of things you enjoy, parts of your life that are working right now and let THAT fill you up.  Soon, you will find yourself afloat again and perhaps soon, landing in a brand new world!

Katelon T. Jeffereys

Website: