LIVING WITH HEART, THE TIN MAN AND ME!

I tend to be a random thinker. The other day I read a friend’s blog post and he wrote about overhearing a woman visiting next door say to her five-year-old daughter, “I need you to cooperate”.  He felt that the tone was fine but felt that her statement took away from the child’s sovereignty.  I understood his point of view but had different thoughts about it. So that led me to think about cooperation.  I looked up the definition of the word cooperate and found one of the synonym’s to be “participate”.  So that led me to questioning my level of cooperation/participation …with Spirit, with my destiny, with my healing process. On and on it went.   The next morning, I had to take my car in for minor repairs, and as usual, headed out to walk while the mechanic did his work. I have walked these same streets over several years.  As I walked I started talking out loud to Spirit, my body, my guides, etc. I started making new commitments to cooperation with my destiny, my purpose, my body’s healing process, with the healing I am receiving from others, with the healing I am receiving from medications and supplements, with positive thoughts and desires, on and on I went, covering every aspect of my mind/body/relationships/career/spirituality/emotions that I could think of.    Suddenly, I was distracted by a strange looking sculpture of a tin man hanging from a house’s porch.  I have walked by this house so many times and never seen this very worn Wizard of Oz looking tin man there or anywhere.  And it got weirder!  I walked a few more blocks and saw the same tin man sculpture hanging from another house’s porch!  And again, I haven’t seen that there before either.  So I figured there was a sign in there for me to pay attention to. I told Spirit that if I saw it one more time, it most certainly was an important sign. As I stated this, I turned to notice the chain link fence I was walking by and it was spray painted a shiny silver color just like tin. Now it had all really gotten my attention.   So I thought about the tin man in the movie THE WIZARD OF OZ and remembered that he didn’t think he had a heart and longed for one. But he found out that he’d had a heart all along.  This led me to a memory from my time living at Lama Foundation, an ecumenical spiritual community on a mountainside north of Taos, NM. I lived there in 1984, for four months.  At the time, if you wanted to stay there as a visiting member, you had to go in front of the members each week or two to ask permission to stay on, stating your purpose in being there, talking about yourself, etc. As had been my experience up until then, I got into defending myself, talking about how committed I was to the work there physically and spiritually, what I intended to give to the group, and continued on.  And even though I often worked from morning until after dinner, was very devoted and diligent, many members tore me apart, dissecting me, questioning me. It was quite a lengthy process.    Then another visiting woman would stand up, a woman who rarely worked, would sneak off during the day to have sex, take a nap, whatever she wanted. All she’d say was “Hi, I’m ____ and I would like to stay two more weeks.”  And quickly, all the members would say, ok.  Every two weeks we’d have to face this process and the longer we were there, the time would get stretched out between the processes, but it preceded the same way…me getting questioned, and her getting an immediate “ok”.  After one particularly brutal experience, I went back to the washhouse and was standing in the shower and a long time female member came in, a woman I greatly admired and adored.  We had become good friends.  She came over to me and simply said “Katelon, you are a heart, a big heart, just be that heart, no more explanations”.  It was such a loving thing to hear.  The next time I went in front of the members, I remembered this and simply stated that I wanted to stay longer and they all said “sure”.   The whole experience led to great healing for me. As a child growing up I was often accused of doing something wrong in the neighborhood, and my Father would never listen to my truth and I’d often get punished for things I hadn’t done.  Even friends and relatives would accuse me of things that I hadn’t done and they wouldn’t hear my explanations or protests.  It led to a strong feeling of not being good enough.  I feel that many of us, whether it is from past lives, present societal or familial dysfunction, have grown up with low self esteem, feeling like we have to keep searching, healing, changing, doing in order to be loveable, successful, healthy, spiritual, reach whatever goal it is we are desiring with the attainment always being out in the future.    Well, this walk of mine, this musing on cooperation, the presence of The Tin Man, all reminded me that I am enough right now, I am healthy right now, I am divine right now, all that I have desired exists RIGHT NOW!  To put any of it out of my reach, out in the future, keeps me always searching, always feeling some kind of lack.    The movie THE WIZARD OF OZ, showed us that all we ever desire is already within us.  All the spiritual teachers have shown us that we are ONE with God, we are divine, we live in Oneness, all we need to do is just BE!  Of course we can all enjoy the process of fine-tuning, but I’d like to remind you, just as Eckhart Tolle states, it is all NOW!  So standing still, just opening, allowing, being, we hold all that IS within us, in love!  So I tell you, you are a heart, just be a heart, be love now!                Love to all of you on this path, during this amazing world transformation!   Katelon T. Jeffereys www.empowerandbalance.com